Spring is in the air; the Son is shining; the Reds have the blues; the Blues have their mojo back; And while the claret and blues continue to hibernate, the Premier League’s elite served up another gladiatorial feast. For once, going all Spursy was a good thing, and FPL managers needed all the help they could get as they struggled to cope with the first SGW since the Pliocene Epoch. Darwinian principles were also in evidence in FPL land: with three rounds to go, 23 teams were still in the hunt for SKLW glory, albeit with some hanging on by their fingernails. So who’s getting canceled this week?
THE RESULTS ARE IN …
Krul Intentions 1-2 Lloris the Hounds
Needing one more win to secure Champions League qualification, Krul Intentions came up empty for the second week running. The Hounds were off the leash and bounded to a victory that keeps them in contention, with Curwind (75pts) Milanista (71pts) delivering the Scooby Snacks. Albertgud struck a consolation goal for the Meanies, but it won’t stop Suvansh from calling the Squad in for anti-choke training.
The Nameless Ones 6-5 Toxic Seaman
In a bonkers match-up between two teams already in the Playoffs, a barnstorming five-goal haul by Joccki_10 (90pts), and an uncharacteristic clean sheet from Grayhead (89pts), was erased by the Nameless Ones in the Squad match. Milvus (82pts) did his best to stem the tide, but Imbobbylove put everyone else in the shade with a match-winning century to secure both victory, and Twitter bragging rights, for Linbee.
Defoe King Unbelievables 1-6 Fantastic Mr Fox
The Foxes glided into the post-season with an effortless performance that left the Defoe Kings lost for words. Pirlo’s Pen led from the front for the Unbelievables with a H2H goal, and Haggis (86pts) stepped up in the Squad match; but after that it was a Pig’s breakfast as sbb ca (96pts) Paul Parek (76pts) made off with the crown jewels. The Foxes could afford to be unfazed about leaving Xhaka Laca’s 97-point haul on the bench.
Bachmann and Robben 3-1 Ayew Lonesome Tonight
With tournament survival on the line, a superheroic performance from the Caped Crusaders saw them live to fight another day; but defeat for the Lonesomes means there’s only the You’re Ropey League of Shame, or even worse, the Eurovision Song Contest, left to play for. A captain’s performance from Narcos wasn’t enough to match the dynamism and repartee demonstrated by Dynamic Duos (88pts) and Wally Banter (77pts) in the Squad match; And while Bachmann and Robben still have it all to do, there are still plenty of Jokers that need to be brought to justice.
No Fuchs Given 0-4 Free Britney’s Areola
The Britney’s maintained their fine form in a well-chaperoned match that should see both sides making it to post-season play. As usual, the Britney’s had no trouble scoring, and Lawro’s hattrick in the H2Hs was particularly easy on the eye. No Fuchs Given barely got a touch, and shipped another goal in the Squad match thanks to some nifty moves by Dehlidynamo (87pts). The Free Britney’s will certainly be a handful in the Playoffs; we’re expecting much in the weeks ahead.
The Hairy Henry 6-1 Flying without Ings
With the future looking hairy for the Henrys, the visit of Flying without Ings, who had overdone the celebrations on securing 24th place, was just what the doctor ordered. Hillster (85pts) GauravGharge (80pts) served up a six-goal feast in the Squad match, but the Gauls are still sitting outside the Champions League slots on goal difference. For the grounded ones, sreethe1 picked up a consolation goal to keep him company whilst scouting You’re Ropey League opponents.
Hanging by a Fred 0-7 Hwang King in a Wood
With their tournament future hanging in the balance the Hwang Kings were well up for it against the Freds, who played this game on the beach. Benno (68pts) banged out a brace in the H2Hs, and there was another fistful in the Squad match, with Fabio Borges (99pts) and FPL_Beery (78pts) providing the timber. Still work to do though; Meanwhile, it’s time for the Freds to stop hanging around.
Son of a Gunn 2-3 The Rooney Tunes
There was something in the air tonight, and it wasn’t cordite as the Rooney Tunes kept up the charge in their fight for SKLW survival. After trading braces in the H2Hs, the Gunners looked well placed to take over as league leaders, but this PEP_TALK backfired, and the Rooneys soared to victory thanks to an 88-point haul from whitters_2014. More of the same needed, but it’s on.
Shot to the Hart and Yorke to blame 3-0 Hey MaccaReina!
The Hart/Yorks delivered another command performance which leaves the Maccas nervously looking over their shoulder. Following deadlock in the H2Hs, Shot to the Hart exploded for a three-goal blast in the Squad match, with cazzafpl (88pts) leading the line, and seeing off counterattacks from Chris Payne (93pts) and G Whizz (83pts). Can the Maccas bounce back? What are the odds?
Footstock Alumni 4-3 Too Krul for Siu
In a must-win game for both teams, the sharp practice by the Too Krul crew was undone by Footstock’s insider trading in the H2Hs, where FFThinker (86pts) outthought the opposition to serve up a four-goal premium. Mrrahrah and rhevans might wish they could save their 90-point hauls for next week. They’re gonna need it.
Shearer’s bunch of Flowers 3-2 Carroll’s Christmas Island
In the nailbiter of the week, if not the season, the Shearers secured Champions League qualification thanks to a single point victory in the Squad match. There was no hint of the tension to come as Mridfelt’s brace for the Florists was matched by Tanver_Singh for the Carrolls. FPL Jogger (85pts) Marc Lingard (81pts) looked to have given the Carrolls the edge, but the other bunch had more depth thanks to Pedersen (86pts), Ravi Vyas (78pts), Jonjo Shall_We? (77pts), and an MVP performance from Magnus Carlsen (73pts).
Jimmy Floyd Hamsterbaink 1-0 Catch me if U Kane
In another very tight match it was the Hamsters who eluded the Kanes to close in on a post-season berth. Boris Bodega (86pts) led by example and was amply supported by TorresLove (86pts), FPL Kaka (80pts), and Zan Keroski (80pts). Milkman Bruno delivered 76pts for the Kanes, but it was the Hamsters who got the cream.
The full results can be found here:
SKLW – Live scores & League tables – Google Sheets
PLAYER OF THE WEEK
Five goals and 90 pts, but Jockki_10 was not even the man of his own match. Mrrahrafh (90pts) would deserve an honorable mention if I knew how to say it; and Lawro’s 91-point hatrick showed that he’s not just a dodgy pundit. Seb Wassell (91pts), Chris Payne (93pts), and sbb ca (96pts) can be proud of their hauls; but the love and adulation this week goes to top scorer and centurion Imbobbylove (102pts). Well done all.
In the battle for personal honors, tedtalksfpl retains his lead for the golden boot, but he’ll need to break his barren spell if he, and the Maccas, are going to stay in contention. Nobody likes playing in goal, but FplRitchie continues to do it better than the rest.
HOW IT STANDS
While the top three pause to let everyone else catch up, the real battle is for Champions League berths, and this weeks’ Show Ponies are Shot to the Hart and Yorke to blame; Fantastic Mr Fox; The Nameless Ones; Free Britney’s Areola; and Shearer’s bunch of Flowerswho all secured victories to get over the line. No Fuchs Given are also just about there, but Jimmy Floyd Hamsterbaink and Krul Intentions still need one more win. With eleven teams hot on their heels, including The Rooney Tunes, who are now in full Road Runner mode, the heat is truly on. sadly, Ayew Lonesome Tonight’s defeat means that they join Flying without Ings in Purgatory.
The full table is as follows:
COMING UP NEXT
Once again, the leagues leaders are up against teams that need the points. Can the Freds return to winning ways and deliver a hammer blow to the Maccas? Can Son of a Gunn and Toxic Seaman prove that Kruelty never pays? And can the Carrolls find the divine inspiration they’ll need against a Hart/Yorks team that now have the leaders in their sights? The pick of the six-pointers is the Rooney Tunes match up against Hairy Henry, but Footstock v Kanes, and Free Britney versus the Defoe Kings will also be vying for top billing on Not Match of the Day.
The full list is as follows:
For those suffering withdrawal symptoms, Matchday 22 sees a return to DGW action, so make sure you hang on to your Weghorst. Provided he doesn’t get a penalty notice from the Met, Boris will be back next week to report on the penultimate round of joy and dashed hopes. Stay safe.